


Writing What I Write Don't Make Me A Bitch

by Lenatoutcourt



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Characters Writing Fanfiction, Ian Gallagher Loves Mickey Milkovich, Ian Gallagher and Mandy Milkovich are Best Friends, M/M, Secret Crush, Secret Identity, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-23
Updated: 2019-09-23
Packaged: 2020-10-26 15:13:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20744279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lenatoutcourt/pseuds/Lenatoutcourt
Summary: Ian has two secrets in his life. His devouring passion for fanfictions, and the attraction he feels for his best friend's brother.





	Writing What I Write Don't Make Me A Bitch

**Author's Note:**

> A little bit of mise en abyme for this story.
> 
> (Ps, there is no doubt about it, Stiles and Derek are gay)
> 
> Russian version: https://ficbook.net/readfic/8829815

Ian had a big smile on his face.

The notification on his phone indicated that a new chapter of his favorite fanfiction had just been posted.

He would never have imagined becoming so addicted to this kind of reading, or even reading in general.

Never had he found much interest in books that his teachers forced him to read for school.

The only press he bought without being forced to do so didn't include any relatively serious article or text, but only pictures of men more than bare.

All this had changed recently after Mandy forced him to watch all the teen-wolf seasons with her.

He couldn't help but be intrigued by the relationship between two characters in the story, Stiles and Derek.

One was a dark-haired, really matching Ian's tastes while the other was cute and had a relentless sense of humor.

Even though the writers of the series seemed determined to ignore the chemistry that existed between these two characters, Ian didn't remain indifferent to this idea.

Unlike him, Mandy didn't seem to be ready to accept such an eventuality. The idea that her favorite character being gay, seemed perfectly unconceivable for her.

To put an end to their discussion and avoid polluting her idiotic fantasies with Ian's ideas, she had sent him back to a world hitherto unknown to him, the fanfictions.

Reading these stories about everything he could have imagined while watching the show, had quickly become an addiction.

Not all writers had the same level, but some of them were more talented than many known and published writers.

After a few days of intensive reading, he had discovered THE fanfiction that had forever made him addicted.

The story was set in the universe of the series, and was of course about Stiles and Derek, but also staged a second couple, outside the series, Alek and Kylian.

Over the course of the chapters, Ian had taken a passion for this couple, to the point of forgetting the main couple yet so dear to him.

Although she had suggested the idea of reading these stories, Ian had never dared to confess to Mandy, that he had let himself be tempted and that he had become addicted to it.

He kept this fact to himself, mainly for fear of being judged, and especially not to hear the remarks of Lip and Mandy for the next fifty years. He knew he could not stop himself from returning to this site again and again, like a guilty sin that he couldn't do without.

The notification posted on his screen made him want to tackle everything to plunge back into this story even if only a few moments.

He glanced furtively around, clutching the screen of his phone against his thigh.

Fiona was sitting on the couch next to him and Lip was trying to tweak the TV so they would receive the cable without paying.

He mumbled a few words before climbing up the stairs and locking himself in the bathroom.

Certainly it was not the warmest and most comfortable place to read, but it was the only room in the house that can be locked. And given the author's talent for describing sex scenes, he had better not be surrounded by his siblings.

He was almost ashamed of him the first time he had read a scene like this, but after several fanfics he realized that it was no more shocking than anything he could see on TV or movies, and that his reaction was totally normal.

Fortunately for him, he did not react violently to each of these scenes and had no obligation to go lock himself in the bathroom every time he read fanfic, but the scenes written by WritingWhatIWriteDontMakeMeABitch was far too realistic and exciting so that his mind and his body will not react.

When he had discovered this story he had wanted to bombard the author with kudos and comments. He had quickly sought every means possible to share with the author his enthusiasm and his love for this story.

He sat down on the toilet and clicked on the link of the chapter, angry internally about the slowness of the internet connection and stamping with impatience.

He devoured the chapter at an impressive speed.

And after calming his excitement, he flooded the comment space with messages of support and admiration.

WritingWhatIWriteDontMakeMeABitch wasn't the most popular author on the platform, and many people came to insult him in the comments.

He had never seemed to heed it, and the few answers he gave to his haters were generally in a language even more raw than that of the haters themselves.

  
  


But Ian liked the idea of showing him that everyone did not hate his work, far from it.

Over time, a discussion by interposed comments was created between them.

The author responded to each of his comments, as well as to questions he might have about the story.

More than the story, the style of the author or the universe in which the characters evolved, it was the character of Kylian that still gave him the want to read another chapter.

This character seemed to be a reflection of himself. He had never heard of a film, a series, or a book of which a character resembled him so much.

As a result, he could only fully identify with this one and look forward to the rest of his adventures, as if this story allowed him to live another life, more thrilling and exciting than his own.

Surprisingly, even though he had done it for all the other characters, the author had never really described physically Alek, Kylian's companion. He was the only character he never described.

The only physical information that Ian could get on him during his readings, or through the comments, was the color of his skin, pale white, almost milky.

The mystery surrounding this character had fascinated him from the beginning, and even more so since he had really begun to identify with Kilyan.

His thoughts were violently interrupted when his brother tried to enter the room and, stopped by the bolt, slammed his fist against the door.

"Hey! I have to piss! "Lip growled on the other side of the door.

Ian got up, readjusted his pants to try to hide the effects of his reading and grunted in his turn.

"Go downstairs!"

He buried his phone in his pocket before flushing the toilet and running the sink water for a few seconds.

"Don't try to pretend you were shitting! I know you're never locked up for that! "Lip said on the other side of the door.

Ian suddenly opened the door and found himself face to face with his brother.

"Fuck you," he said with a smile.

Lip pushed him gently to make his way to the bathroom and undid his belt and fly without bothering to check his brother's departure.

"Um you see, no smell ... so you were not shitting." Lip said, sniffing deeply.

"Seriously?!?" Ian grumbled pretending to be embarrassed by his brother's behavior.

"Stop acting like frightened virgin." The latter ordered before getting dressed and flushing.

*-*-*

Ian was sitting on the couch next to Mandy, staring into space. He was supposed to revise their math lesson, but none of them had yet opened a book.

They just sat side by side, busy on their phones.

"I have to go pee," Ian said, getting up.

He was pleased to see that Mandy's attention was sufficiently focused on her phone so she didn't notice the notification on his.

The idea of going home to be able to read this new chapter quietly had crossed his mind, but he didn't want to wait to get home for that.

He gently pushed the door of Mickey's room before curse.

He did not think that young Milkovich was at home, and that directly challenged his decision to read this chapter in this house.

Mickey Milkovich was Ian's other secret at least the attraction he felt for him for years.

Even to see him slumped on his bed, his computer on his stomach, Ian could not relinquish his attraction.

He had no doubt what Mickey was doing and he just thanked the sky that he thought about turning off the sound of his computer before watching his porn.

There was nothing less exciting than Mickey Milkovich watching straight porn.

Ian had nothing against porn, let alone against Mickey watching porn, but straight part of the thing constantly reminded him that nothing would ever happen between them.

"What the fuck? Who allowed you to get into my room like that?!? "Mickey growled, lowering the screen of his computer.

"Sorry," Ian mumbled before fleeing to the bathroom and closing the door behind him.

In front of Mickey, he lost all his confidence in himself and always ended up mumbling excuses before running away.

He tried to calm down and clicked on the link of the new chapter. The plot was such that he quickly forgot where he was and who was on the other side of that door.

On leaving the bathroom he was surprised to notice that Mickey was gone.

His computer on the lt caught Ian's attention. Even though he knew it was an unhealthy curiosity, Ian was dying to watch what Mickey was actually doing on that computer when he entered the room.

His urge quickly turning out to be more intense than the logic and caution he stepped gently from the computer and lifted the screen.

What he saw upset him more than anything he could have imagined.

  
  


*-*-*

"What are you doing?!?" Mickey growled, surprising Ian in front of his open computer.

More than anger, it was fear that Mickey was feeling right now. This computer contained one of his biggest secrets and he didn't want anyone to know about it, let alone Ian Gallagher.

This guy was the best friend of his sister, but especially the guy who haunted his dreams and thoughts for several months now.

Since Mandy had brought this guy home to force him to watch a show with her, no one else seemed to exist for Mickey. All seemed to have been overshadowed by Ian's mere presence.

"Who allowed you to touch my stuff?" Mickey questioned as he closed his computer screen violently.

He gripped Ian by the collar and stuck him roughly against the wall hoping he didn't have time to see the screen.

The only words Mickey managed to understand in Ian's muffled answer chilled his blood. There was no doubt that Ian understood what he had just seen.

"You tell someone, you're dead. You think about it, you're dead, "Mickey said, forcing Ian to meet the floor.

He leaned back to his computer and raised the screen before affirming.

"I will delete everything, and it will be your word against mine."

He turned to Ian when he felt the latter grab his arm. Ian had gotten up and was now glued to him, visibly ready to stop him.

Mickey sent him back to the floor before grabbing a knife on his bedside table and straddling Ian, locking his wrists with one hand and pressing the blade against his neck with the other.

"I don't intend to let you use that against me," he said, ready to do anything to protect himself.

If his father learned about it he wouldn't survive the day.

Even though it was the hardest thing he had ever had to do he had to silence Ian by all means.

He didn't care about his life, but couldn't leave Mandy alone with this monster and between Ian's life and his sister's, his choice was already made.

"Don't delete this story! Please don't do that! "Ian begged, staring into his eyes.

The expression on his face and the pain in his voice forced Mickey to stop.

He stared at him in astonishment.

"I love this story. It's very important to me, "Ian announced without trying to extricate himself.

Mickey could feel more fear in Ian's voice. For all that he was sure it wasn't the knife pressed against his throat that was terrorizing him.

"Why?!?" Mickey growled, unable to understand Ian's behavior.

"Every time I read this story I feel that other things are possible. It gives me the impression that I am not obliged to have the same pathetic life as my parents. That I don't have to die here, suffocated by my secrets and the horror of this neighborhood. "

Mickey remained motionless, silent, staring into Ian's eyes.

To hear him speak thus created feelings which terrified him.

"If you erase it, I'll feel like it's been and will never be anything else than a dream," Ian explained again.

Mickey relaxed the pressure of the knife a little more on Ian's throat and asked.

"You really like this story?"

"Yes. I read all the chapters as soon as they come out. "

"Why?!?"

Ian frowned at Mickey's question.

"Why do you love it so much? There are a lot of other stories like this, "said Mickey.

  
  


"Not like this one. This is the first time I feel such a deep connection with a character. It's as if it- " Started Ian.

Mickey slammed the blade of the knife against Ian's throat again.

"Like what?" Grunted, unable to stay calm in the face of the young man's silence.

"As if it had been written for me ..." Ian finally concluded, staring at Mickey.

Mickey felt his heart racing. The situation became more and more uncontrollable.

"You wrote it ... For me ..."

"Shut up!" Mickey ordered as he tried to control his emotions.

"Kylian, he's me. He's me, "Ian asserted, straightening himself without even trying to push the blade away;

Mickey moved back instinctively not to slit Ian's throat but to keep a distance between them.

"And it's you ... Alek," Ian said without looking away from Mickey.

Before he had time to do anything, Ian grabbed his lips.

He did not find his senses until their mouths were separated again.

"Tell me I'm wrong ..." Ian ordered softly.

"You're wrong," said Mickey without any conviction.

"I don't believe you."

"Do you want to die?" Mickey growled, trying to scare Ian.

"No. On the contrary, I want to start living. What you wrote inspired me, made me want to live differently, by assuming who I was, who I loved ... And even if it was the most terrifying decision I had to make, I want to start doing what I want instead of hiding behind my fear and fate. "Ian said before moving back to Mickey.

This time Mickey had time to react and he got up before Ian could kiss him again.

He stepped back to put enough space between them and handed the knife to Ian when he stood up.

The sadness he could see in Ian's eyes terrorized him. It terrorized him all the more because he was certain that his eyes reflected the same sadness.

Ian looked down and turned to the door. He had his hand on the handle when Mickey finally dared to stop him.

"Wait!"

He ran towards him and grabbed his mouth.

To go through these few steps had been more frightening than anything he had ever done in his life.

He slowly disengaged himself, breaking their kiss with regret before planting his knife in the dresser next to him.

"If you tell someone-" he started before being interrupted by Ian.

"I would not say anything ... to anyone," he promised before putting a quick kiss on Mickey's lips.

They stood for a moment staring into each other's eyes, their faces a few inches apart before Ian brought them back to reality.

"Mandy is next."

"Fuck!"

He bit his lower lip nervously before ordering.

"Wait here I’ll come back."

He left the room, leaving Ian alone.

* - * - *

Even though he knew that Mickey had only been gone for a few minutes, his absence was already too long.

Even though he knew his favorite author was somewhere in this world, he'd never have been crazy enough to imagine he could live so close to him.

Ian kept his gaze fixed on the door so that his eyes met Mickey's as soon as he entered the room.

He did not have time to say anything that his back was already against the wall and that Mickey was against him.

His hands landed naturally on Mickey's waist and he attracted him all the more to savor their kiss all the more.

"Mandy?" He questioned once his lips were separated from Mickey's.

"Gone delivering something for me."

Ian frowned. Mandy wasn't one to do such a service so naturally, and even if it was a lot of pain, he did not understand why she had accepted while he was still at home.

"She has a crush on the guy I asked her to go see," Mickey amused himself before adding.

"No luck for her, the guy is completely gay."

Ian tensed at hearing these words. He had absolutely no reason to be jealous so far he couldn't help it.

He looked away hoping that Mickey didn't realize the emotions that had gripped him. Unfortunately for him, there was no doubt that the young man had perceived this change of attitude.

"Jealous, Gallagher?" Mickey asked with a satisfied little smile.

Ian kept his eyes fixed on the dresser hoping that Mickey would end up admitting that he had never approached this guy.

The question Mickey asked him at that moment completely changed the situation, forcing him to look him in the eyes again.

"Do you prefer to stop there?"

"No!" Ian answered without waiting.

He could not imagine leaving Mickey like that without being able to pose his mouth on his own or his hands on his body.

"So take your clothes off before Mandy comes back, we do not have all day," Mickey ordered, pulling Ian's t-shirt.

*-*-*

Mickey was leaning against his bed, a cigarette in his hand. He knew he had to get dressed quickly to prevent his sister from surprising him like that, but he was afraid it would scare Ian off.

"What does Alek look like?" Ian asked next to him.

"I do not know what you're talking about."

"You never described him... All you wanted to say is that he had milky skin ..."

"So what? How does that matter? "

"It matters for me," Ian said before announcing.

"I'm sure I can guess how he looks. I would put my hand to cut that he has blue eyes, brown hair ... "

Mickey tensed naturally as he heard these words. He knew in his heart that if he had never agreed to physically describe Alek it was to not admit to himself that Alek and he was one and the feelings that Alek felt for Kylian echoed those he felt for Ian.

"I'm sure he's rather small-" Ian continued before being abruptly interrupted by a pillow in the face.

"I'm not small!" Mickey growled, staring at Ian angrily.

The latter gripped the pillow with a big smile before affirming.

"I was talking about Alek, Mickey ..."

Mickey looked away to hide the red that he knew was on his cheeks.

The sound of the front door pulled them both from that moment of intimacy and before Mandy had time to step inside the house they were already getting dressed.

They heard her calling Ian before opening the door of Mickey's room and facing them.

"What are you doing here?" She asked, visibly surprised to find him in her brother's room.

Ian tried to distract his friend's attention by saying.

"When I got out of the bathroom Mickey told me that you had left. So rather than being alone in the living room, I preferred to stay with him. "

"What were you talking about?" Mandy questioned visibly doubtful.

Ian had no idea what to say to Mandy, luckily for him, Mickey seemed to have more imagination.

"About the stupid werewolves-series, you forced both of us to watch with you."

Mandy turned to her brother and affirmed.

"I did not force you to watch!"

"You watched that shit on the TV in the living room, forcing everyone to look at it with you."

"You just had to go to your room instead of slouching on the chair to drink beers," Mandy retorted visibly upset.

"If you say so. Now get out of my room... "Mickey growled, pointing at the door.

Mandy grunted out, giving Ian time to turn to Mickey without her noticing.

The smile on his face left no doubt about his desire to see Ian again as soon as possible. And now that he knew that his favorite author and the man he fantasized on was one, nothing would stop Ian from seeing Mickey again.

What had been for each of them a secretly shared story was going to become he was sure the story of his life, and he was waiting for one thing, move on to the next chapter.


End file.
